This is the first time im expressing my feelings through blogs..never done this before..i just cant bare to keep this all to myself....
Here is the things..i have been feeling very sad..i dont know why..i feel like there is a huge hole in my chest..yes..a huge hole..i didnt know how and what can i fill it in with...i've been trying to play games and watch movies at home..but i still feel very sad..nothing can cheer me up now....but now i know what i need..thanks to this guy who was willing to go out with me..i know what i need..i need a friend..im not saying i dont have friends..its just that i need a suitable friend whom i can share my feelings with..someone who could understand me..i had a friend like this once..she was my best friend..i love her very much..and care for her..but eversince she got a boyfriend..,i feel like there is a huge gap between us....i know that our friendships cannot last any longger..i know that she is going to love her boyfriend more than she loves me as a friend..i dindnt know why..i could feel a little jealousy inside of me...there was nothing i could do..i cant tell her to hate her boyfriend..i will never sabotage her relationship with him even if i know how..i rather my heart is broken than to see hers..i knew what i needed to do..i need to keep myself away from her....to avoid the pain im going to feel soon..im not being selfish because i knew that she is going to be happy..after a while..i went to a boarding school because im taking fashion course..i was hoping to find a friend just like her..but i couldnt find any..so i moved back to kl..schooling at a technical school..taking the same course..there, i settled down..make new friends..sometimes i will call her to meet her up..one day, we went out....i love spending times with her..she is understanding..she listen to my story and i listen to hers..but then..,she told me that her boyfriend hate me..i was hurt but didnt show it to her..i just smiled..i coulnd do anything during that time..now..i never asked her to spend time with mw anymore..i dont want to be a burden to her..i dont want to make her choose..i dont want to spoil her happiness...so i just stay away..i met this girl at my new school..she is tough and brilliant..she never care what people say about her..she wear what she wants to wear and be what she want to be..she is a good listener..and she is fun too..finally i feel like i have found someone that i can be friend with..we hang out several times..i never had any fun like hanging with her..to feel her energy..to listen to her story..it was fun..but school almost end now..i havent met her for a while now..maybe that is why i feel so empty..i need to talk to her..maybe hang out with her..maybe i will..but not in the mean time..because i just hanged out with this guy..he is so open minded and seems to accept me for who i am..i am very glad that he would want to be my friend even when he know what i really am..thanks..
thats all for now..i feel much better now..thank you for reading..
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